Lost and Found

I’m a little confused with how i’m feeling.

I still feel like something is missing and i can’t really do anything about it but feel it. I’m still kind of a little lost without you but i’m trying to stand alone and fight. I’m just not used to not having someone there, you know? It’s just.. damn. 

I’m really really single. And i haven’t truly been single for a long time.

I can’t remember the last time i didn’t want to be single. I just don’t want to talk to anyone or get to know anyone right now and it scares me. Are we ever going to be friends again?

/:

I don’t know.. but it hurts, a lot. I can’t do anything about it though. May is here.. another month. Another step into starting a new chapter.

Sigh. I don’t know what to feel lately.. i just don’t know. 

I don’t know how summer is going to be like.. i feel like the tears are going to start coming soon. I remember May last year.. it was so happy and everything was so nice. God, why did this have to happen ? 

I don’t like crying over your punk ass. You got mad at me because you weren’t the only one i called “babe” cause i called Megan that before you. But now you’re calling her that. You are just a bundle of joy. I feel like everything we’ve done or said, was a lie. You’re a lie. 

I’m so disgusted and ashamed to have do so many things with you, like being in love with you or kissing you. Cuddling with you. Holding your hands. Washing the dishes with you.

Everything i’m just so ashamed.

I hate that you still follow me. I hate that you still “care” because if you did, you would’ve been there when i needed and not getting to know another girl.

Ugh i want to punch you so fucking hard til you bleed. And this is the monster you created. Are you fucking happy now you piece of shit. I never want to see your face ever again or god help me i will rip your smile off so you won’t ever get to again. So much anger inside of me. Ironic because just months aog, i’d be willing to be the one to go through all this pain so you’d smile.

Don’t fuck me over , bitch.

I forgot how it felt like to wait for a text..

… i remember last night i was waiting for your text. And my heart jumped every time i felt a vibration. Heh. Although now i think that i annoy you or think i’m boring you. It’s just how i am when.. you know. I have a crush on someone.

It’s never going to happen though so maybe i’ll stop or back off.

You’re so cute though.

Sigh.

Its okay Quynh. 

You’ll never talk to me again probably. T_T

Hmm.. hehe. I guess i finally got what i wanted. I’m pretty sure that we won’t be anything more than friends. Sigh. It’s okay. I like getting to know people. This is nice. Let’s just stay like this. I’m gonna need some stamina to text back man. All these essay-like replies are gonna kill me. HAHAHA.

Can i just say that you’re a bitch?

I still can’t believe i spent so long on you. And now , i’m shutting you out of my life and heart. You don’t deserve a spot in neither. I’m not one to hate someone or dislike someone’s girlfriend but i do.

Please don’t ever contact me again.

All you do is hurt me now. You still haunt me. It’s like toxic. I’m slowly dying but i wont’ let you do that anymore.

All your words mean shit to me now. I don’t even believe what you said back then was even sincere. 

Smh.

It’s been a while since i’ve gone through a person’s entire tumblr. Well actually. Jessica was the only person that i’ve ever finished reading every single post. You’re the second person. Ever since the moment i first saw you, i thought you were special. Sounds cliche, right? Heh. You’re stunningly beautiful and cute, i hope you realize that. I’m sure people know that as well. 

I think it’s safe to say i have a crush on you. It’s been a while since i’ve found myself blushing so hard just thinking about a girl. I don’t think we’ll be anything more than friends with our situations.. i’m still very close to getting over my ex and you.. well. You’re almost in a relationship, aren’t you? It’s fine. We can be good friends, that’s how it is with most of my relationships anyways.

“We can still be friends”

lol bitch.

Oh well. Don’t expect anything, right Quynh? You’re extremely cute though. And i often think about you, especially lately. But.. i don’t want people to know. It’s too much of a risk. Just know that i enjoy talking to you. I wonder how things are going to be like. 

Even though i finished drinking almost 8 hours ago..

.. i still feel it in my tummy, and i feel like throwing up. >.<

Eeep.